Song
Facing the wind
wearing a hat that won't make him vanish
and cloaked in his coat - in the midst of a dusty storm
the thin man
will browse the space (i.e. with his eyes)
he will not yet pick you flowers
until it is time to meet (literally it says: Until he sees you)
(…but in this narrow alleyway
among mounts of junk and rubbish
he'd lift his beak up
and flap his wings…" i.e to fly ")
The literal translation of this poem was made by Hafiz Kheir
The final translated version of the poem is by Sarah Maguire
© Poetry Translation Centre 2004-2012
Chris, Otto, Greyson says:
The first paragraph re-arrangement of syntax, putting dust storm in the first line, is a great translation. The image of unfurling wings also creates a great image. Maybe could have added an image of the girl as another bird at the end of the poem.
Willie the Poet says:
the imagery in this poem is exquisite, especially the bird analogy at the end.
We thought it would be effective to make this message more clear, yet still injecting the emotion this poem conveys. The culture still needs to be ambigous because of the universal themes in this poems.
Kate, Erin, and Jon says:
Overall, super job on the translation. We are impressed! We especially like the last stanza because it shows his determination. We also like the "gathering - but not quite yet - flowers" line. When we translated the poem, we said "confronting the wind" instead and also we placed more focus on the character instead of the scenery.
Love,
Kate, Erin, and Jon
Chloe, Joshua, and Lauren says:
This is a very good translation that seems to capture the literal essence of the poem. The one thing about this translation is that I would think that it may force people to really have to figure out the figurative meaning. I love the phrase "scans the horizon" because I feel that is so much better than "will browse the space" in the literal version.
Kaylea Pallister says:
"he longs to lift up his beak" sounds much more emotional than the original version and also indicates that he wants to lift his head and fly but can't accomplish it. The original translation of "he'd lift his beak up" sounds more certain and indicates he has the ability to lift his beak.