Delusion (for Jay Garrick)

How I long for the day when a simple
boy might love me. Not asking
for more. No seas, no stars,
crevasses or treasure. A scallywag smile
surprising me at the corner café.
I’m quite aware, thanks, that too much
literature’s ruined me. I live in a swirling sea
of illusions. I’m closer to the moon
than I am to his eyes. But dear Lord,
have mercy on me. Could I just roll
over in bed one day and bump up against
his neck, or even a big toe
– the loneliest toe of all? Not asking for
some fantasy-forever boy, no… My choice.
Just the boom-crash-flash of his voice
you know, chatting any old shit on the phone.